HISAP SUA

just the other day, some BIYATCH said that it is surprising that a man my age is insecure...

that is just laughable...

(it is perhaps just an expression of sour grapeness... will explain later)

hmmm... how would he know? you mean he can experience my conscience like i myself never could... that is indeed interesting. and he would be the first.

secondly, if he is capable of saying that then it shows how confident he is. or rather how threathen i feel. frankly speaking yes i do. after all i am only human. and frankly speaking too, i am insecure. i may have all the money in the world. i may have the best looking face on this planet or body, or biggest penis for that matter... but i would still have insecurities.

in any case with regards to my darling dearest shayang, i do feel the emotions mentioned above because i am only human. however i am not overwhelmed by it.

in the first place, Daryl Tay, i do not like you. you pretentious prick. Hablas Espanol my fucking brown arse!!! dear sir, i have been two Spain... twice. My former neighbour were Argentinians... an exgf who spoke flawless Spanish... so BIYATCH, i noe how it sounds... dont Hablas Espanol with me ... be yourself, perhaps i shall consider talking ...

Secondly, Daryl Tay, RESPECT... i am the boyfriend... i exist... YOU, BIYATCH, are not my friend... so making my gf do things for you when you do not exactly have a history with her shows your lack of ... RECEPTA... YOU think i am just penniless Mat incapable of achieving anything... fucking hell...

in any case, its warm and humid in Singapore, despite the showers...not glad to be back here at all...

yeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy.........

my exams are over!!!!

hehhe... the one and only.. .but it felt like a big burden have been lifted...

ok... tonite i will pack and then i am off to Singapore at 730am in the morning... Perth time...

i am due to arrive at 12noon at the Singapore Changi Airpoort where my big entourage is waiting... damn!!! my plan did not work... i hate big entourage... it will be so embarrassing... imagine... 15-20 of them just to this one ugly son of a biyatch... shit it will be so embarrassing... which was why i tried to keep it a secret for the longest time... i wonder who leaked it... damn you!!! may you burn in hell for that!!!!

in any case i am glad i will be seeing them all...

so see ya all in Singapore!!!!

for some reason, i had a number 4...haircut that is...number 4 all over...

well dudes... just preparing for the summer in singapore...

leaving on the 23rd of june... 730am flight. on SQ 224

Saturday was my wonderful gig at the South Perth Civic Centre, aka South Perth Community Hall. So where the fuck is that? O yeah, its on South Terrace Road. From Canning Highway, you would take the right turn, if you are coming from the city direction. Going to the city direction, you would take the left once you reach the traffic light at the South Terrace Road. Not a moment to soon you will reach South Perth Community Hall, you wouldn’t miss it, becos there’s so many people there. More than usual.

Well not according to some people…

8am.
Went into the hall after unpacking the stuffs. That took an hour because the stupid rover wouldn’t barge. Ok because someone left the rover there with the car keys and so, we had to detour a long way… imagine a 10kg amplifier. 3 guitars, a box of other accessories, a drum kit, and a keyboard, plus its case. We would have been efficient if everyone is experienced in this. Well not everyone is.

9am.
About to soundcheck, Jodi’s mother called.

‘please pick up the rest of the food.’

Ok now he’s gone, so no sound check. In any case, stage wasn’t ready, so how now brown cow? (yeah yeah lame old lame old. So FUCKING SUE ME!!)

So what can I do.

‘Wan, I cant remember song no. 2’

come on guys, its not that difficult a song. Just take some time to listen to it and you’ll be able to figure it out. I mean, I have to figure out my part too right. And I cant possibly figure out yours too. How many things can a person do?

In any case we got down to it.

10 am.
Still no sign of Jodi.

I need coffee and breakfast. Fucking hell no money.

I scoured the bottom floor for food. None available.

Chilly winds. Frozen hands.

10:45am
‘Irawan Gani, where is the place? So much for an update…’

so sorry, had a few things in my mind.

1107am
Jodi arrives. But too late, cant sound check. The event has already started.

I sent out the directions for the place.

1124am
SMS
‘not coming, pulling a king’s park, have fun’.

Well if you are not coming in the first place why bother asking?

Disappointment.

Its alrite… it doesn’t matter.

Frozen hands.

So what are the sequence of songs?

Mario is fast asleep. He finished work at 530am that morning.

Ok so now we have to wait.

12noon.
my tummy’s rumbling. Well what can I do but have a ciggie.

Waiting, waiting…

1pm.
Met Dian.

‘Whats’ wrong with you?’

Nothing. Just haven’t eaten.

She disappears and appears few minutes later with some food.

Have this….

She indeed was my saviour.

2pm
a call received.

What time are you playing?

Are you asking because you are interested in coming or…?

Again gave directions… thought she was coming…

The gamelan is on.

3pm
the gamelan is still on…

fucking gamelan….

Fadhil arrives.

You done?

No…

Where’s she?

I dunno…

Fucking gamelan still playing…

330pm
gamelan ends…

we go up on stage.

Chaos…very unprofessionally, we started playing…

I look towards the doorway to see if she has sneaked in…

430pm
Gig ends. No sign of her.

I go out quietly for a smoke.

As everyone starts to disappear a call came.

Where are you?

In uni…

Are still working on your assignment?

No meeting…

We made plans for dinner…

Rain starts to fall…

530pm.
Jodi has to send her mother home.

So we wait.

630pm
Jodi arrives. So off we went. Winthrop, Murdoch, Vic Park and Dianella to send the various equipments back.

7pm.
SMS
‘are you coming? NANDE!!!???

My mobile runs out of batteries.

715pm
reached home. Drop everything.walking along Albany Highway the rain starts to fall heavily. Wind. I ran to the Vic Park Transfer Station. Wet.

37 arrived at 727pm.

735pm
I reached the city. Still raining. I braved the rain. Almost got knocked down by a car.

Ouch…My toes are hurting!!!

745pm.
Reached Moon Café.

Somebody said I looked nice. Everyone, Jackie, Mun, Tat looked happy. well glad they looked happy. I am fucking pissed!!!!

We decided to have dinner at Fast Eddy’s.

Me, I am starving to death. If I starved any further, I think I wouldn’t merely be fucking pissed.

Patience iwan Patience.

9pm.
Dinner finished.

She starts to smile and laugh, alone.

‘what?’

so she started telling about the card game that they were playing…end of story.

‘so you ditched me for a card game?’

ah I see…

‘you said you had a meeting?’

‘we did have a meeting?’

I am neither stupid nor naïve. Or maybe, yes I am stupid and naïve… I shall give her that…

‘an after thought I suppose…’

‘well, what was I supposed to do over there?’

it’s a bazaar… many things that you can do… plus, you were the one who promised to come…
in any case, it is all clear now…it is all very clear…

THUNDER, LIGHTNING, AND RAIN

Boil, boil, coil and bubble…
There is no end to all the troubles…

But as we walked along Murray St and Wellington, it dawned on me that it doesn’t matter… its all lovely… lovely indeed…

BAIK AH…

i think my discontent towards singapore and singaporeans have been well documented and to a certain blown out of proportion. however i have never been too hateful nor too loving towards her.

so let me set the record straight.

i do love singapore.

ok before you cynics and skeptics sound your blabbering mutter get this. it is a country in which i have spilled my blood, sweat and tears. my most joyful and saddest moments happened there. my parents are there. my siblings are there. my relatives are there. love lost, love gained. and for that i do not think the thread that signifies my sense of belonging towards it can never be broken.

so why that tinge of discontent you may ask?

it's this simple.

the tendencies of the people (amongst many other reasons).

i have no argument about the funny and most of the time irritating singaporean accent. frankly i support and applaud it becos amongst the many manufactured things in singapore, it is the most natural social development. i just wish Singaporeans could mind what they say sometimes. and please get it right in the international stage ok?

getting back on track, one of the things that singaporeans love to do when abroad is whine about how bad it is and rave about how good it is at home... well if you do not like staying here then get the hell out of this place. why come here in the first place? but these are the same people who, when at home, rave about how excellent it was abroad. i suspect they just wanted to be known to be well travelled. well dudes, sorry to say, living in posh hotel rooms and shopping at the malls of those cities do not make you a well-travelled person. of cos, this is the general rule and there are exceptions.

i am not saying it is all good here. there are more bad than good but whatever it is make do with whatever you have. if you cant take the challenge then dont!

speaking of which, is this the product of the education system?

i hear a resounding yes.

what can i say, most of the teachers are like that too. and even more sadder is that i used to be one. so i share part of the blame.

and one other thing about the society; there is the lack of graciousness. i believe most people are genuine, unlike, ahem... Australia, and that's precisely the thing. if only we can be more gracious. like if you see someone in trouble, for example, a gust of wind suddenly blows a stack of papers (i remember it naomi), helpless lady (or gentleman for that matter) scouring to pick it up, please help. it doesnt take much. not a minute is wasted. and you feel better soon after. you know these kinds of little things...

well, the whole point of this post is that i am just blowing some steam through some thoughts that have been through my mind for the past few weeks. i have just completed the last of my assignmets and so its time to relax.

PS-o yeah, i love my shayang so much...

ok this is a backlog that was probably supposed to be posted on the 29th of May

as i was typing away on my G4 Mac Tower that morning, something felt amiss. i wasnt sure what but it certainly did feel so. in anycase as i was clicking away on that 'state of the art' keyboard, i received a call from Sheila, the girl's sister.

sheila: do you know about tonite? is she with you tonite?

me: no. what? no, i think she's with jo.

sheila: o Mun didnt tell you?

me: really.

sheila: we are havin a surprise party for tiffy.

me: o ok.

sheila: so she wont be with you today?

me: i dunno... well maybe i will get her home... so wat time...

sheila: 7pm.

me: ok. i will get back to you when its settled.

i mean i knew something was up but i have no idea when and how and what...

anyway...

so there i was scheming. wat would be a good way to bring home without raising any suspicion. well, well... i do have my amplifier at her place. so i would use that. and in the midst of the 'plan' the name Albert came into mind.

she did ask me later if i my amplifier hadnt been at her place what would i have said.

option 1:
the not too creative notion that i have to talk to one of her guardian... with regards to ... er... mushrooms?

option 2:
borrow something from her place... a book?... a DVD?... and urgently!!! otherwise it could be done some other time...

option 3:
is there an option 3?

so i tried to figure out the amount of time it took for us to get to her place from mine.

me:630?

girl: Jo's going off at 5pm so i can be there at 530...

shitla Jo... why do you have to be so early... now what am i supposed to do between 530 to 730? well, i had a few hours to think about it...

when she arrived at the stipulated time, i hadnt gotten ready... which was great, waste a couple of minutes more. but that is mere minutes compared to the eternal hour that beckons...

so off we went to KFC. she decided on KFC Karrawara.

me: how far is that from your place?

girl: 15minutes

fuckla... time: 615pm... 615!!!

well i made full use of the time. talked to her while she attempted to fill in the blanks in her Chinese Workbook... but the conversations were good, plus we had a bit of a detour...

and then some people just couldnt wait... they had to call and call either one of us... PATIENCE PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!

so, 8:08pm... we arrived to racuous applause... my job is done... though was ostracised for my tardiness... but she had a good nite... that was all that mattered...

happy birthday my shayang...

it is the time of the month.

it is the time when a mere two dollars is spent for lunch and dinner.

(you people probably wonder how do i go about doing that.)

well there is this little bakery at the wellington bus station called Top One Bakery. it sells 3 cinammon donuts for a dollar. i must say 3 donuts for a breakfast quite suffices. and so for 2 dollars, well you get the drift... so i am set for the day...

so in this state of mind, it left me wondering about the little things i can enjoy without buying anything or not paying for much...

so here they are (not in order of merit):
1-walking in the morning to the school through the half empty city of Perth

2-staying in bed in a cold wintery morning

3-waking up early to the tune of coffee, eggs and toast.

4-kissing her cold soft lips

5-smelling her moonflower scent

6-her long lanky legs

8-feeling her porcelain skin

9-getting calls from overseas or old mates

10-having a ciggie just after brushing the teeth

11-her beaming (if it was a good day) smile when she sees me

12-dove silk mosturiser

13-seeing her after having a bad day

14-coffee and a book (leisure reading)

15-the adrenaline rush in the middle of a football match

16-the adrenaline rush after a football match

17-jimi hendrix

18-al green's 'let's stay together'

19-my fender telecaster

20-my WahWah pedal

21-liverpool football club (though it has been a source of pain, extreme pain)

22-Haroun and the Sea of Stories

i have not really given it a thorough thought. nevertheless i am sure i think that covers it. plus i am not really giving an excuse for any offensiveness that has come out of this.